That guy from the movie "Office Space" has nothing on me!

This is something that has been bothering me for awhile; after years of working customer service jobs where I had to take shit from just about everyone I finally have a job I don't mind going to. The downside; it's a boring cubicle job and I don't actually have enough work that takes up a whole 8 hour day. So I sit and surf the internet all day, make phone calls to friends, balance my checkbook and listen to music. Oh sure, I LOOK busy with my desk full of paperwork and me always typing but if anyone bothered to look they would see that the reports on my desk are actually old completed ones and if they could see my monitor they would see me typing this very sentence and not anything to do with the monthly finance report.
I'm starting to worry and actually feel guilty; worried because I don't know how long I can keep doing this before someone gets wise and puts the spotlight on me, guilty because everytime I feel I should leave for something more challenging; they either give me a raise or send me somewhere nice for training, I just got back from a week long training course in San Diego. They put me up in a nice hotel and when I got back, had a fat paycheck waiting on me because they reimburse me for all meals paid for while training. I don't really necessarily even NEED the training, they just have to send people for whatever training is out there to justify the quarterly

budget. the employees who smoke are allowed to take smoke breaks, I don't smoke so I take "air" breaks.

If I'm not at my desk, I'm usually walking around the office or outside getting some air; the employees who smoke are allowed to take smoke breaks, I don't smoke so I take "air" breaks. One time during the holiday season, I happen to be one of the only people in my office at "work". Everyone else had left on vacation. Around lunch time I left and in addition to having lunch, also took in a movie. I forwarded my office phone to my cell in case anyone called....no one did. I got back to the office within half an hour of quitting time.

Another time, I almost got caught when around lunchtime I went to a massage parlor and got a rubdown complete with "happy ending". I was gone for a good two hours and nobody even noticed, in fact, I remember being worried when I came back to find an email from the boss saying that there would be a staff meeting after lunch, which
I missed. I was trying to think up a lie about where I was when a coworker asked me where the meeting was going to be held?

Me: "What do you mean? Didn't we already have it?"
Him: "What? No. Didnt you get the email? It was cancelled because someone already booked the conference room."

Whew! I checked my email again and sure enough, since I had mine set to seperate the emails with attachments from the ones without, I didn't read the latest one that stated the meeting was cancelled (it had an attachment)

There were some days where I would just come in, hang a jacket up and cut the computer on to make it look like I stepped out for a minute and
just go home and back to sleep.

The worse I ever did though was when I first learned how to do the phone forwarding trick I mentioned earlier. I don't live that far from where I work and when the boss was away for trips or whatever,I would just go home. I REALLY got bad when I learned I could also forward my work email to my regular email accounts! There were some
days where I would just come in, hang a jacket up and cut the computer on to make it look like I stepped out for a minute and just go home and back to sleep.
I quit doing that because I was just as bored at home as I was at the office. I guess it's more fun to me to do nothing at work.

It's really gonna be bad now, my boss feels that in our line of work that we should have access to broadcast news so he had the techies install winnTV on some of our computers; if you don't know, winnTV allows your computer monitor to function as a TV. Great.
Just what I need, even MORE of a reason to dick around.

This can't go on. On one hand; I have a great well paying job that I get to pretty much anything I want at, on the other, I am in a job that allows me to indulge my slackerdom which may come back to bite me in the future; ie, I'm not learning anything here that I could take with me. I already know how to sleep and watch tv.

Oh well, gotta go, Maury's on and this window is blocking the screen.

Dirtybadman in Cali

Clothes shopping in the laundry room

I had just been kicked out of my girlfriends house wearing only the clothes on my back and a carrying a few personal things. I found an apartment pretty fast but was left broke and without clothes, furniture, food, etc.

So I went down in to the buildings laundry room and took some clothes out of the dryers and then went back up to my place. AsI was trying on my new clothes I had a revelation. I could take a bunch of clothes and then sell them to a second-hand clothing store that I knew about downtown.
So I did. I went back down to the laundry room along with four garbage bags. I filled them all up and brought them back to my apartment. After sorting through the things that would fit me, I put the rest in the bags and had a friend drive me to the store where I ended up selling them for enough that I could buy myself a bunch more clothes there.

It was a terrible thing to do but I was desparate.


Name kept secret
Location kept secret

I had nasty dirty sex with a hooker in my bosses' office after hours

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Coulda been the whiskey, might have been the gin

Or it could have been the e that I took and maybe even the Red Bull/Vodka/GHB that I consumed. Not really sure what caused me to do this but I did. I came back to my dormroom after being out the whole night before. I hate my roommate. I turned on my computer and found my favorite porn site. Minutes later after feeling myself cumming I went and shot all over my roommates pillow. Not on the pillow case but I actually peeled back the case and shot on the pillow itself.

That night when he snuggled himself to sleep I laughed out loud. He looked confused and asked. I told him that I had seen something funny earlier that day. What I didn't say was the funny thing I saw was a premonition of him getting cozy on his cummy pillow.

Sleep well asswipe. I hope you finally decide to leave college instead of bitching and moaning all the time.

Best of luck to ya

Signed

That guy that hates your guts and shares a room with you.



Tags: college roommate masterbate funny humor

I think it is disgusting and he'll probably divorce me because of it

Before we got married everything was fine sex-wise. We made good love with no complaints. Then my husband hurt his penis in an accident at work. It still functions but because of the scarring it is oddly shaped and strange looking now. As a result I can't seem to bring myself to make love as much as we used to. I do love him but the sight of his deformed penis turns me off so bad that I don't even want it near me. Oral sex? forget it.

He used to sleep nude but because of my complaining he now sleeps with briefs on. I don't want to end our marriage but he is getting increasingly frustrated with me. What on earth do I do? Close my eyes and pretend? I tried that and I am a bad actress!

Name kept secret
Location kept secret


Tags: penis

Free gas

With fuel prices the way they have been lately and with me about to quit my job at Citgo, I've decided to help out my pals. In the last two weeks I must have filled up all my friends cars. Some of them more than once. I am leaving this shit job and have 0 guilt for giving away all this gas. Fuck Citgo for paying me like I am from a third world country.

Name kept secret
Somewhere in NY


Tags: theft crime 

I want you so bad and you don't even know it.

I go to class early just so that I can watch you from the moment you enter the room. I try and walk past you often so I can try to inhale your scent. I hang on every word you speak. You are speaking in English but it might as well be Japanese. Sometimes I can't even hear you. The rush of my passion is so intense in my ears it drowns out everything. That's when I watch your lips. I watch how they part as you speak and I imagine my tongue darting inside quickly. I see you lick your lips and I imagine you licking mine. After each class I go directly to the bathroom to compose myself.

You are one of my prof's and you are married and straight. Instead of telling you how I feel about you I am sitting here anonymously telling everyone else but you how I feel.

Mark. If you read this. I am falling in love with you and you don't even know it. If you even have one single bi bone in your body, please reach out to me.

I'll be sitting at the back of the class, the handsome guy near the emergency exit.


Name kept secret
Somewhere near NC


Tags:  love teacher gay

Trying to get her fired

This stupid bitch at work. Everyone knows one of them. Always has her face in your business and always the first to bitch and moan and cause drama and gossip.

I've got one of them in my office. She's only been there a few weeks and already she is getting on my nerves. So I have begun Operation Bitch-Go-Home. I've made her life miserable around the office. After she makes coffee, I go and put extra grounds in the filter so the coffee is so thick like motor oil. The boss HATES strong coffee and keep giving her shit and showing her how to make it right. I canbarely control my laughter as I see her trying to tell him that she has been making it like he showed her.

I keep accidently on purpose forget to tell her about important meetings and clients to when she gets a last-minute notice she has no time to prepare. She is in charge of filing and I keep taking files out of the storage downstairs, just to put them right on her desk to put back. Problem is because she's new it takes her a long time to figure out where they blong in our massive file storage area.

I want her to leave. her voice annoys me, her style annoys me and the fact that she breathes the same air as me, bothers me. If she doesn't leave soon, I will be forced to escalate my efforts. Not sure what yet but after reading some of the stories here I have a few ideas.

Any of you have some for me? I want her GONE!

Thanks.

Frustrated and fed-up
Location kept secret


Tags: employee business revenge

I boned my lawyers secretary

I boned my lawyer's secretary and I can't tell anyone because I was engaged at the time.

I was locked up for a few months for some bullshit. My moms gave me the number for a first-class lawyer. I would make calls to my lawyers at least once a week and every time I'd call I'd flirt with the female that answered the phone. I was in jail so the fact that I was hearing a woman's voice cancelled out all thoughts that she might be bone-deep ugly.

She started flirting back. We started having long conversations on the phone to the point where I'd be getting in fights cause other cons wanted to use the phone. Eventually we started writing letters and she sent me some pictures. She was fucking hot!

I got out and went to see her the first day. I walked into my lawyers office for the first time and saw the secretary. My jaw hit the floor. I introduced myself and she smiled. Thankfully she thought I was cute, she had never even seen a photo of me.

I told her to come by my place after she got off work and she did. She laughed because I had no lights, the power was cut when I was locked down. We started boning and because I was so excited I came fast. It made me so angry that I punched a hole in the wall above the bed.

We dated for a few months. It was fucking awesome but I couldn't tell my lawyer or my girl obviously. After my lawyer turned into a complete waste of time and money, I wanted to tell her that I was fucking her secrtary.


Name kept secret
Location kept secret

Tags: lawyer secretary sex jail 

I want to fuck my girlfriends mother

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