I've got two stories to tell

A  fter reading the majority of the stories on the site, I have to come share as well. I am filled with school-boy excitement. I have two stories, the first is only relevant because people have no idea what I was like when I was younger. (The second, you'll see). I would love to tell these stories at coctail parties, but these ninnys will relate a story of taking mom's car to the beach without permission, and then get poo-poos from everyone else. So, I was a bad seed. We went on so many beer runs (walk in-snatch beer-run out-why hassle with that money thing) that we were contemplating keeping a log of who went where and what clerk was working ( so as to avoid the uncomfortable 7-11 experience. You know things are ill when you walk in and the clerk greets you with, "Hey mother fucker").

...Vandalism, fights, sex, and, of course, drugs. I was wrong...

I  worked at a store as a bagger, and while I was stocking the coolers at night I would throw two cases of beer in the dumpster with the trash, only to retrieve them later (this isn't so bad, except I did it 2-4 times a week). Vandalism, fights, sex, and, of course, drugs. I was wrong. Anyway, one night we go to the movies (myself, and two friends). Working the ticket booth is a girl that was a year older than us, Betty (not her real name). After we pay our way in, we mosey on back to the game section of the theater with roughly an hour to kill.

...S1 is likewise a respectable citizen these days, and S2 was beat to death (literally) a couple of years ago...

Well, Betty was epileptic. She was the butt of many jokes at school, due to the inability of anyone/thing (doctors/meds) to keep her seizures in check. So, there we are playing video games (Rampage to be exact), when all of a sudden Betty falls down in the ticket booth and starts siezing. We all ran over being saints, knights in armor and all of that. She was already finishing up with the worst of it, S1 and S2 we're already over the counter counseling. Nobody was around, so we shared our best "I dunno" looks, then out of the blue S2 pops the cash register and jacks the money. We ran out of there and headed down the back streets to another hangout. I didn't have anything to do with the money, and neither did S1. It was a huge scandal though. I am sure that folks in my home town still remember, and would love to see the unsavory bastards that did it hanged. S1 is likewise a respectable citizen these days, and S2 was beat to death (literally) a couple of years ago.

...One night, fairly close to the end of our marriage, Lucif-her decides to blow a gasket on her sister and I as we shared a couple of drinks at the house...

S o story next involves my ex-wife. I would love to tell her this story just to hurt her, but the other person involved would suffer as well. My ex was very good looking and I was the stupid schlub that found himself fortunate to have such a thing. Undeserving and all of that. After six months of marriage my ex started turning into Satan's Sister, and not just to me. To sum this up I caught her cheating. She cried and begged, and I tried to forgive. Wouldn't happen again and what not. I never got over it, and began the experiental sleeping around, but revenge fornication isn't all that. One night, fairly close to the end of our marriage, Lucif-her decides to blow a gasket on her sister and I as we shared a couple of drinks at the house. She then proceeds to go into the bedroom, puke on my side of the bed, then pass out.
So what happened next was at least three years in the making. I decided I wasn't going to clean anything, play ambulance to the toilet, hold any hair etc. I went back out in the living room where her sister was, and after lamenting my ex's evilness, we started kissing (we had been hot for each other, but it remained unspoken).

...here's the double punch dear, when we went to the canyon and "broke" your car in, well it had already been done...

S o this is for you, my love. Your sister and I went out into the garage, pushed the back seats of the Subaru down, and did the deed all over your new car (here's the double punch dear, when we went to the canyon and "broke" your car in, well it had already been done). I must have slept with your sister at least six or ten times, and in ways that you were too boring. The sun had long been up when we went in and passed out on the couch. Yeah, that night. We didn't fall asleep there, we went to sleep there after romping all night. Piss off.

Name kept secret
Location kept secret

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