I've been cheating on my girlfriend/fiancee

I've been cheating on my girlfriend/fiancee. It started when we were yet to be engaged. I went on a trip to a football game and after a night at the local strip club I got courious for some sex. I looked up an escort service in the phone book, never having done this before I was ver scared, and called.

...it was my first time with an escort. I paid her and we talked awhile before she gave me a mind blowing...

I was told there was one girl on call and after she called me back we agreed to meet in my room. She was very nice and understanding that it was my first time with an escort. I paid her and we talked awhile before she gave me a mind blowing BJ and then rode me to completion. We used protection the entire time, of course.

While searching for ways to find people to just hook up for sex I discovered a site that lists popular gay crusing sites. I'd never heard of this so I explored the website and became very curious. I then used this site to hook up with 4 different men for blow jobs and sex. I found I have a taste for guys, but only really get off with women. I still think about doing it again, but I have stopped. I'm still looking for that one last hookup I never have had. The only that is everything my fiancee isn't to end all. I hope I find it before we tie the knot, if not then I'll likely die never knowing what I'm missing but have always sought.

Name kept secret
Location kept secret

My secret

On the one side, I am married and have 1 child. On the other side, I am gay. I've been leading this double life since I realized a few years ago that i was indeed gay. I had my feelings prior but felt it was curiousity. Now that I have experienced another man, I know now that I prefer them over women. Problem is, I've realized this a little late in life.
It's frustrating knowing that I'll die a gay man in a straight man's life. I see no point of wrecking our happy home by coming out. I would alienate myself from my family by doing that. Then again, it's not like my family has ever been really close-knitt.
Thanks for letting me vent. Only two other people in the world know my story, but I guess more will now.

I feel relief!

Name withheld upon request
Location withheld upon request

Evil Desire

it all started out when i was 15. when i and clement were posted to the same class. i noticed that he wasn't like other guys. he was so soft. so fair. so elegant. like a girl. but he wasn't those kinda weird ass faggots. he was SO hot i was just turned on by him.

soon i found out that he lived really near me. and i decided to make my move. i offered to go back home with him everyday and yes soon we were really good friends. he never knew i looked at him that way or had that kind of feelings for him. everytime during physical education i'd just look at him and his sexy arms and legs. and just sigh in awe. i'd dream of him in all sorts of ways every night.

then soon his bday was approaching. i really had no idea what to get him so i called him, and lied about wanting him to tell me what to buy for a friend. in the process i got to know what he would want for his bday. and then 2 months later i sorta told him how much he meant to me and gave him the wallet he wanted and a keychain with his name engraved on it. and he was just SO touched and i never felt as close to him before.

but then disaster stuck. i sorta was upset about what he did the other day to me and instead of msging my friend i STUPIDLY msged him instead. and poof everything was shattered. he started hated me, calling me a fake and told me to just stay away from him. i'd never ever see him get this mad or angry over anything. he was always just so cool and calm you know. i even tried to send him a 'sorry' card and continued to msg him. but the last msg he sent me was: im never gonna msg you again. don't expect me to ever reply again.

and since then we never made up. we have never seen eye to eye or even talked to each other for just about a year now. just 2 months after the incident he migrated to australia for further studies. took me a while to get over him. he even came back to visit some of my friends and i. thoughout the whole lunch we never looked nor said a word to each other. but now i like someone else who happens to live really near me too.

at least this time its a GIRL. i've always liked girls like any other teenager but somehow with clement it was different. he was special.



Name withheld upon request
Location withheld upon request