I'd like to buy a shotgun

I haven't written to you for a long time. I have since graduated from my new school. I have a job that gives me half a year of vacation at a time, with excellent pay. The shame of my personal failures have driven to this point at a very young age. The shame and depression that I feel everyday seems to drive me towards being a better person.

Good, right? Nah. I'm writing this at 2am. On a cold porch. I havnt accomplished anything of note. I havnt loved truly, i've only felt pain deeper than I thought possible. Folks go through life, happy and content....while some of us seem destined to soak up the wretchedness left behind.
I tell my friends that I'd like to buy a shotgun to go duck hunting. I'm terrified to buy one because I know I'll only use it to kill myself. It doesn't matter if you update this site or if you'll even read this. It only matters that my thoughts are out there.


Zhenya said...

dont do it. i have often found out that what seems true often turns out not to be. and also that big failures can often be fixed easily if u think well.

Anonymous said...

You need to see a doctor. They'll get you on treatment that will sort you out straight. Things become clear and you can go on pursuing things you find enjoyable in life.

Reza said...

Hi, I just read your note and I thought, why should you feel so depressed! Please contact me so that we can talk about the issue and hopefully find a solution!

Anonymous said...

It will be okay. just wake up every morning, happiness will come to you. :)

Naughty Self Stories said...

The title got my attention so quick.