My neighbour screwed me so I screwed him

My neighbour and I had a decent relationship. Our familes got along well and we said hi to each other every morning on the way to work. It was cool.

Then he screwed me on a business deal so I screwed him over. He had a grow op in his basement that he didn't think I knew about. I knew alright. His bigmouthed wife couldn't keep her mouth shut about it. After he cost me some money I called the cops and watched from my window a few weeks later as the police raided his house. It was like watching C.O.P.S. in my own backyard. He got his and he has no idea that I was the one that dropped the dime.


Name kept secret
Location kept secret.

Farewell to morality

I was recently involved with a girl named Kay who I really liked. It was a short-lived relationship. Kay is a smart and attractive girl, and I honestly thought I was going to be taken off the market when she and I started hanging out. One night, I was at a bar with her, and she stepped outside to take a call. She came back in and told me, "I think I need o call things off with you." Right out of the blue. This threw me off and kind of upset me, but that's how things go. She and this other guy named Eric had gotten together, and she decided she would rather be with him than me. According to Kay, "I can just walk into a room, and the way he looks at me when he sees me just does something to me." Fair enough.
She and I continued to hang out after this. About two weeks ago, she came over to my house and we got really drunk. When I told her how drunk I was, she said she was too and said, "Can I ask you a question? Do you still want to have sex?" I told her I did but in my drunken state, I still realized this could bring about any number of problems. I told her she was obviously confused and that I wanted to be with her but in order to do so, she needed to make a decision. Either me or Eric. She called Eric and told him the same thing she told me when she wanted to break it off. She and I hooked up. I felt like I had done the right thing. In the end, she elected to stay with Eric. I figured this would happen. We were drunk, but I still feel like I had made the right call. I didn't want to be involved with someone who was in a relationship. I have seen how fucked up it gets. My friend MCG did this. Knowing MCG, the girl MCG was carrying on an affair with and her boyfriend was strange. I got to watch the whole thing from a safe distance knowing I would never get into something like this. Wrong.

This past weekend I stepped out with my friend Ophelia to have some drinks. We ended up at a bar called Spirits, and when we were there, I ended up bumping into a girl who I will refer to as Emma right now. Emma is really attractive and funny. She and I just shoot the breeze. I had met her a while back through another friend (who shall go unnamed for a while) who liked her and has been trying to hook up with her. Emma never hooked up with said guy because she has a boyfriend of four years. Well, after drinking some more at J Brian's bar, Emma started getting pretty frisky. I knew I was in for problems when I said something, and she gave me a kiss on the cheek and said I was great.

Long story short, she and I ended up sleeping together and decided to hang out again. I took her to her car so she could drive home before her boyfriend woke up for work. The next day, she called me. I figured I would hear something to the effect of, "I feel really bad about what happened last night…" Nope. She said she had a great time and wanted to see me again. That was yesterday.
So, after I got out of work last night, I went out with MCG to drink and catch up. As we were walking to Spirits, I saw Emma with the aforementioned unnamed friend and some other chick. We all ended up heading to J Brian's, at which point Emma began giving me googly eyes and rubbing my hands and legs under the table. I felt awkward because it was all in front of the unnamed friend. In the end, she ended up coming back to my house where we hooked up. She told me more about her boyfriend and how she needs to figure out a way to leave him but can't do so for a while because they co-rent a place and the lease is still active. Nevertheless, she told me how much she likes to be with me and wished it was me she was with. Emma's coming over again tonight, so we'll see what happens from here. The point to all of this: I think I may have finally shed one of the last personal morals I had left.


Name kept secret
Location kept secret

Eating out of a dumpster.

I had been just kicked out of my house. Already unemployed, I was having problems getting money together. I was starving and getting sick because of it. I was walking through an alley trying to find a place to sleep for the night when I saw a woman throwing bags of bread in to a dumpster. There was a bakery there and she was throwing away literally hundreds of loaves of bread. I watched from a distance as she threw out bagels, muffins, hamburger and hotdog buns, you name it.
I watched as put the lid down and then locked it. After she went back inside I quickly made my way over. Even though she had locked the lid of the dumpster, I was still able to get my hand in there and grab some bags. I managed to get a bag of bagels and some muffins before I was scared off by some guy coming out of the store beside the bakery.

I ate the food as fast as I could. A couple of hours later I went back with an iron bar that I found and then broke the lock on the dumpster lid. I opened it up and spent the next hour picking and choosing different bags of muffins and bagels and even donuts! I was in heaven.

I filled up my knapsack with the breads and left the area.

Looking back I am very embarrassed that I had to stoop to that level. I've obviously turned this around since. Took me some time but with the help of a couple social programs and my family I was able to get off the streets, get some training and now I've got a pretty sweet job.

Now when I see people digging in dumpsters I smile.

Name kept secret
Location kept secret

Gang initiation?

It was Friday night a couple of summers back.

My friend and I came out of a late movie downtown and walked the few blocks to my car on campus. The entrance drive to this particular lot has rough cobblestone pavers with ruts that will shake your car to pieces if you go over 10 mph.

We’re leaning against the car talking, when this early 60’s Chevy van comes barreling through the driveway. He’s doing at least 20. There’s a huge CRASH and we run over. A young guy, Hispanic in his early 20’s, is lying on the ground BEHIND the van. Blood – not a lot, fortunately – is oozing from his left temple.

I grab my cell phone, dial 911 and give the cops the only logical explanation for what just happened – this guy must have been crossing the alley and got run over.

To quickly backtrack, my friend had been leaning against the side of the car facing the entrance drive, so he had a better view than I did. During a lull in the ensuing action he told me the driver’s side door was hanging open when the van came through the alley –and this guy was riding on the door!

The crashing sound was his body slamming into a power line pole! The van never hit anything. It wound up in a flowerbed.

So there we were. The guy is holding his head, trying to get up and can’t make it. A cop is yelling in my ear about keeping him on the ground, so we’re making ‘stay down’ gestures with our arms.

The van doors open - we hear beer bottles rolling out and smashing against the pavers –and three more young Hispanic guys pile out.It’s a standoff. We don’t know Spanish - or who or what we’re dealing with. They aren’t speaking English and fortunately don’t threaten us.
They just want to get out the hell out of there!

They try helping their friend up, but he isn’t going anywhere. Suddenly, they take off running. A blue pickup rolls up, the guy gets out and without saying a word goes chasing after them.

I’m on the phone with the police this whole time,trying to tell them where we’re at. I find out the city police don’t know where anything is located on campus! Telling them which lot we’re in isn’t cutting it, so I finally run half a block to the edge of campus and read the street signs to tell them where to find us.

For a few minutes after that it’s just the three of us. My friend gets some paper towels, but that’s all we can do for the guy.

Suddenly his friends come back - they must have ditched the guy chasing them – and make one last attempt at getting him out of there. No good.

We’re finally hearing sirens, so they take off again.

This time the cops want me to keep an eye on them. I watch them run to the sidewalk across from campus. Suddenly one of the three starts beating the living hell out of one of the other guys. Knocks him down and just keeps pounding. The third guy’s not even watching. He just waits to be arrested. I tell the cops to send another ambulance.

They arrive moments later and it’s cops everywhere.They pull me and my friend apart to see if our stories match and let us go. The guy from the blue pickup finally comes back and tells me he works at a nearby parking garage. He’d seen the guys running and decided to chase them. I wouldn’t do that.

The newspapers don’t have anything about it the next day. Just as well, we don’t want our names in the paper or have reporters calling us. We go back to check out the blood on the pavers, but that’s about it. We never found out what it was about. Our best guess is either a gang initiation or some drunk, crazy kids.


Name kept secret
Location kept secret

Addicted to computers

I lost my girlfriend and most of my male friends. The only people I talk to are in chatrooms, on irc or when I post to web sites or something. I've gained fourty pounds, my overall health has gone to shit but I still can't stop. I lie to all my family when they ask how my life is. It has gone to shit but I can't tell them.
The more I go out into the real world, the more I realize how much I'd rather be in front of this monitor.

Oh yeah. I also seem to have some sort of weird fascination with confession sites like this one and grouphug. Something about people telling me their secrets makes me feel a little better about myself. Weird?

Name kept secret
Location kept secret

He'd kick my ass if he found out.

After reading some of the roommate stories I had to post a bit of a confession about my roommate.

He'd probably kick my ass if he read this. I am the typical geek, he is the jock. More like jock-strap. I am typing this on his pc.I use it often because my pc is too slow and he's got a way better vid card. He doesn't like me even touching his "baby". He's always downloading porn or making some lavalife chick but as soon as he leaves the dorm I am on it.

The story I cannot tell him is that not only do I use his pc for posting to sites, checking my emails, but I also jerk off to the porn he downloads. While that is not necessarily a bad thing the main issue that I sit naked on his leather executive office chair. If you've never sat naked on leather, you need to try it today.
He's got some pretty sweet lesbian pron which is my alltime fav. On more than on occasion I have left "leather conditioner" on his chair after flogging myself.

I better get off now, he's due back from his morning jog in the next twenty minutes. My luck he'll catch me before I hit send.

Name kept secret
Location kept secret

We stole 2 Blazers but he got caught. I didn't!

When I was about 18 (years ago) I was stealing cars often. At one point my crime partner and I had to get a hold of identical Chevy Blazer’s for an associate who needed it for something.

So out we went one night to find them. We found the first one almost right away. The Blazer is easy to steal as it has tilt steering. All I had to do is break apart the steering column in the area around the tilt knob and presto! a screwdriver would start it.

My partner drove my car back to an all night diner’s parking lot. He jumped into the stolen Blazer with me and we drove off to find another one just like it. Almost an hour later we find it and my partner jumps out to get it. I park down the street and watching him do his thing. Minutes later he drives past me and we head to the pre-arranged spot to hand over the 2 Blazers.

Everything is going swell. We’re driving along when we see a police cruiser drive past us. I check my mirror and see his brake lights and then he is all of a sudden right behind us. My partner panics a little and speeds off with the police cruiser following him. I quickly turn off and head down a side street.

My partner races off as I enter a residential area, pull over and park. I try to figure out what to do next. I know my partner will double back and follow the same direction I took, just so he can bail out and get a ride with me. As I am sitting there thinking of what to do next, my partner races past the road ahead with 2 cruisers chasing him with lights and sirens on!

I sit there thinking that maybe I should change cars real quick. Since they saw 2 identical 4x4’s travelling together late at night, they probably have other police cars looking for me.

I shut off the Blazer, grab my tools and wipe down the car. I head out and check out the neighbourhood, looking for a car to take. I find a Chevy Celebrity station wagon (again with the tilt steering wheel) and make my way inside. I start it up and remove my jacket so I look a little different. I figure the station wagon will not get a second glance from the police.

I cautiously try to make my way out of the residential area, not quite remembering how I got off the main road. I take a couple turns here and there until I end up going around a bend right into a bunch of police cars! My partner’s Blazer was smashed up against a brick wall at the end of the cul de sac and there were at least 4 police cars around it. Cops and cop dogs were running all over the place.

I put the station wagon in reverse and got the hell out of there. Along the way, I passed a few cop cars and I smiled and nodded as I passed them by. I guess the station wagon worked!
I drove around the area a little, trying to find my partner who was on the run. I called back home and told the guys that he might call. I was hoping he’d make it to a pay phone, and then call me to come and grab him.

An hour passes and I decide to head back home myself and wait for his call. Waiting around the same area as two stolen cars was making me nervous.
5 mins after I get home, the phone rings. It’s my partner. He got grabbed by the police dogs and was now in jail needing bail. I was pissed that I couldn’t find him and get him before the police did.

I never got in trouble for that one; he wasn’t a rat so I didn’t have to worry. This is the first time I’ve told anyone about this!


Name kept secret
Location kept secret

Me, drugs, and two hot girls

A few years ago I was living in another state when I accepted the job that I have now. To celebrate my new job and moving to a new state, I decided to go out with a bang and threw a big party complete with "party favors" (coke, weed, booze, more coke)as I planned on buckling down and working hard once I began my new job.

Most of my friends were there as well as a couple of girls that I had always wanted to screw. So the party's going great, everyone's having a good time when one of the girls, Heidi, a big breasted blonde, asked if she could crash since she didn't feel safe driving while stoned? Being the good Samaritan that I am, I said "SUURRRREE". So later in the night, people are gone or going and another girl, Kim, a red head and coincidentally, also big of breasts asks if I was going to stay up to do some more party favors with her to which I replied; "SUUURRRRE"

So there we were, me and two big breasted cute amazons; Heidi had that nordic,valkrie thing going for, blonde haired, blue eyes, cute body, tall-about 5'9, maybe 5-10, and again, breasts as big and round as my head, and Kim-about the same height as Heidi, not as cute but pretty nonetheless, she DID have a nicer ass, red hair, blue eyes, sort of a country girl but not, and lil' ol' me just sitting on the floor around my table getting higher than I think I've ever been in my life and drinking what was left of a big bottle of cheap chardonnay. We're sitting there telling jokes and talking about people at work when the rumor of Kim being bisexual came up; someone at work spread it and since I was leaving anyway, figured I'd ask.

So she says that one nite her, the guy who told, and his girlfriend were at his apartment smoking pot when the guy's girl started making out with her, no warning, she just started kissing her(so she said) and that they all got naked and the dude, i guess was so excited that he blew before he could put it in and could not get it up again, forcing the girls to satisfy only each other for the night. She said that he spread the rumor about her because he was mad at her for constantly needling him about it and he thinks that's the reason his girl broke up with him shortly after.

So we all laugh at this, do some more bumps, and she asks me and Heidi if either of us had ever been in a threesome? I said yeh, once. Heidi surprised me with a yes as well. Without missing a beat Kim then takes her shirt off exposing her massive breasts that until then I had only daydreamed about. Heidi just busts out laughing at the look on my face and at Kim as she starts shaking her breasts vigorously from side to side, it looked funny so I started laughing too! Heidi then takes off her shirt and starts doing the breast shakey thing too! We are laughing our asses off at how silly they both looked shaking their breasts together like that! Then Heidi reaches over and cups one of Kim's tits in her hand and sort of curiously feels the weight, then she grabs both and kind of juggles them up and down. Kim is cracking up at this and starts to do the same thing with Heidi's tits, only instead of juggling them, she bends down and pops a nipple in her mouth. Until this moment it had all been sort of harmless naked fun but this sort of upped the ante.

Now I had been wondering where this evening was headed, especially when the shirts came off, I know some of you probably think I'm dense but I have been in situations similar to this where I was SURE I was going to get some but ended up sadly mistaken.

So Kim is sucking on Heidi's tits and to my surprise, Heidi is letting her! And enjoying it! So I go; "can I have some?" to which Kim takes one her tits in her hand and motions for me to come over and suck it, which I do, it tasted just as good as it looked! So now we're all on the floor, the girls making out now and I'm just sort of going from tit to tit, four big ass titties all up in my face, nipples in my ears, nipples in my mouth, I think I even had em' in my nostrils a coupla times!
This goes on for few minutes when Heidi pulls away to pull off her jeans, Kim quickly follows suit and looks at me and says "come on, let's see what YOU got!" I quickly undress, joining in the nudity, and we all again get back in a pile. Kim decided she had enough of tit and moved down to munch on Heidi's box. I sit back to watch for a minute while jerkin my gherkin; which I was starting to notice,was sadly limp.

I began to get worried because normally, I would have been hard the minute the first shirt came off, hell, normally I'da jumped up on the table and stuck my dick in Heidi's ear as soon as she freed thos lucious sweater melons! I look down at my boy and he's sort of looking back up at me with that sad one eye as if to say, "sorry boss, no can do".

The girls, for the moment, are into each other and probably figure that I'm enjoying the show first before I join in. I watch as Kim brings Heidi to an orgasm, almost breaking Kim's neck between her legs while doing so. Heidi then looks over at me and tells me "come here, I want to suck you now." I come over and lay down beside her, she kisses me for a bit then moves down and sucks Mr. Limpy McNoodle into her mouth, I don't want to seem totally useless so tell Kim to sit on my face, she does and starts moving her hips back and forth as my tongue massaged her sopping wet clit.

I'm trying not to think about it but my guy is just not responding to Heidi's awesome mouthwork. Kim's legs are starting to twitch and by her steady grunts, I can tell she's about to come. Heidi must have noticed too (at least I hoped that was the reason she stopped sucking) and came up behind kim to grab her breasts and kiss her on the neck. I guess it was too much for Kim because she exploded and ground her pelvis into my face until she collapsed to my side,spent for the moment. The girls cuddle and I excuse myself to the bathroom with the excuse that I want to see if Kim broke my nose with her orgasm.

Once in, I look at my soldier in the mirror, like Dirk Diggler from the last scene of the movie "Boogie Nights" and say "look motherfucker, you better get your act together NOW. We got two horny girls out there who are going to want us to pull our eight tonight and I don't think that pie is the only thing they want tonite, capisce? So quit BEING a pussy and let's go GET some pussy! I swear, you come through for me tonite and i'll NEVER do this shit (the drugs) again" Then I cut the water on, lathered my hands with soap and began to slowly and softly massage my crank again. I don't know where I got the idea from but it worked and wood was achieved! I washed the soap off, dried and went back to my living room.

THE GIRLS WERE PASSED THE FUCK OUT!
They fell asleep in each others arms! FUCK! Now my boner was raging and not showing ANY signs of going away soon. I went and got a blanket and some pillows, covered them up, put the pillow under their heads and got under the covers with them next to Kim with Heidi on the other side; A Kim Sandwich. So I'm laying there with these naked amazons and I have a rock hard boner sticking straight up because I can't lie on it. So I turn on my side facing Kims back; my boner kind of pokes one of her butt cheeks. She then sort of wiggled her butt until Mr. Happy is right up against her box, she then sort of pushes back on it; now I'm not sure if she is doing this in her sleep, or for some reason doesn't want to wake up Heidi but I just go with the flow. She only gets the head in when she stops so I take the baton and push on in. I do a nice slow fuck and feel her juices welling up. I prop myself up on one elbow and try to look at her face which is nestled on one of Heidi's breasts; eyes were closed and she looked sleep but she had a strange grin on her face, again, not sure if she is sleep fucking or what but whatever, it's feeling goooodd.

So we go at it for awhile until I pull out and shoot on her ass. I use part of the blanket to wipe it up and as I'm doing so, her hand moves onto the spot I where I came. I watch as she then sleepily wipes her face, smearing some jizz on her left cheek and Heidis breast. Now this turned me on again and I decide; fuck it, I'm waking Heidi up and getting some of that ass too! So I maneuver on top of Heidi and start kissing her, she wakes up and still half asleep starts kissing me back, she feels my hard on bumping against the inside of her thigh and reaches down and just as easy as you please, sticks it in her. Kim is still lying down but only facing me and heidi now, no longer in Heidi's embrace. I can't tell if she's still sleep or not but it looks like she's watching and that turns me on even more. Heidi begins bucking up and down, thrusting her hips beneath me and I reciprocate by slamming into her. It's a quick, vigorous, and energetic fuck which ended with me blowing a load deep inside her. I then collapse on top of her while she still grinds beneath me, getting her second orgasm of the night.

Spent, I roll over, now on the opposite side of the floor than before with Heid now in between me and Kim, and fall asleep.

We all wake up sometime late the next afternoon, and sort of hang out in a funk as we all were coming down from all the drugs and alcohol. No one said anything about the sex and somewhere along the day, after Kim left, I ended up fucking Heidi again, this time in the shower before she too, took off for home and work.

The day I left I decided to stop by on my way out and say bye to the girls. A coupla weeks had passed so I figured it'd be safe to bring up the crazy night. We had a good laugh, especially when I told them about the pep talk I gave junior in the bathroom and Heidi said she thought she heard me talking to someone but wasn't sure. I said that I had a great time and hope they did to to which Kim replied and Heidi agreed that if I wasn't leaving, it would never have happened.

Sure, whateve you say lady, I got mine and it was good! Anyway, I left and learned a valuable lesson; If you even have the slimmest chance of getting some poontang, unless it's viagra, leave the drugs alone, let the girl, or girls, have it all since it seems to perk them up for sex, that is unless you too want to end up in your bathroom trying to talk your dick into getting hard.



Dirtybadman in California

I got drunk with a coworker and showed her my penis

Hello all,

Me again, the Dirtybadman in California. So far I've shared my more or less humorous exploits that present me in somewhat of a good lite. You now know about my slacker work life, my having sex in my bosses office, and soon about a crazy nite of drugs, alcohol, and girls that will hopefully be posted here soon.

A word before we begin; In response to a reader that complained about how long my posts are; well, If you just want a short footnote paragraph detailing my exploits then you should look elsewhere; I don't like to gloss over anything and I want whoever reads about my exploits to understand and envision the experiences as if they were there too. This means including every minute detail about said experiences. I like to write and I have the time to do so. For the longest time I have kept these experiences to myself and this is my chance to let them go. This is as cathartic for me to write as it is enjoyable for some of you to read.

That being said, let's proceed........

The following is one of the "bad" ones that I'm really not sure about how I should feel and really just want to get this off my chest....

A few weeks ago I was working (yes I sometimes DO work) with a female coworker of whom I was fairly aquainted with on a friendly basis. We've hung out together before with other people from work a few times and have been sent outta town together on a few training trips by our respective dept's and though we've always gotten along and had a good time, nothing romantic or sexual has ever happened between us. Not that I wouldn't do her; She is cute, about 5'7, brunette, 30, nice body, not "too" anything. I just never got the idea that she would ever be attracted to me and she is always bitching about her boyfriend always dumping her. (which he seems to do on a fairly regular basis.), in other words; I was in the "friend zone". The thing about her is that we always end up platonically talking about freaky sexual shit (this is an important factor regarding the point of this story). It always turns me on but we talk about it in such matter of fact terms that it seems that she only tells me this shit because she thinks I wouldn't screw her because she knows I know that I'm not her type(she'd pretty much made that clear).

Ok, so back to the basics; we were working via email on a project together and pretty much having a good time talking about what we would rather be doing with our lives when she mentioned that she had an interesting idea for a podcast and was looking into pursuing it but doesn't want to say what it is because she's afraid of it being stolen. Now me being the sexual deviant that I am and knowing that she is somewhat freaky (more on that later)immediately assume that it has to be something of a sexual nature.

She has told me more than once that she and her boyfriend have taken pics of each other doing each other and I was thinking that she was getting into porno somehow. SO I badger her telling her that whatever it is, it couldn't be worse than anything I've done (wink,wink). She doesn't agree to tell me until I promise to discuss it with her over drinks after work and I'm buying. So the whole rest of the day I'm thinking "WTF is this girl up to?" and it drives me crazy!Finally quitting time comes around and we agree to go to a lounge I like to take girls when I think I'm going to get some. It's a nice Martini lounge with nice jazz, low lighting, comfy chairs, and bartenders who know my name, what I like to drink, AND who always give me a discount and pour heavy due to my habit of being a great tipper.

So we are chilling there having a few drinks and small talking about how our day was when I just say; "look, you're killing me here, WHAT is this idea you were talking about!?" She has another drink and says, well I won't spoil it for her by blabbing it here but suffice to say that it had NOTHING to do with what I thought and I pretty much felt like an asshole for thinking what I was. So the convo turns from her ambitions back to her and her personal life, specifically her shitty love life......yippy. So after listening to her drone about, in this order, her brother who used to like to beat her up regularly and used to like to sneak into her room when he thought she was asleep and then rub his dick all over her when they were teenagers (gross), her mother's funeral, and something that she thought everyone knew about that was being gossiped about concerning her, a business trip, and another
co-worker.

The topic as always shifts back to our respective sex lives; she tells me about how her sometimesex is a porn fanatic who's bisexual and wants to share her with another man, or I should say how HE wants to share another man with her (?!), how she's afraid that the woman that they had a threesome with is after him for herself, and skinny dipping while camping with friends then having an outdoor orgy with said friends and how everytime she's had anal sex she's never realized it until she woke up the next day with a sore ass.

Now at this point we've had a few drinks and are both a bit buzzed when she asks me what I meant earlier by her not possibly having done anything worse than I have? Well I'm no angel and I tell her about some of my sexual (mis)adventures. What really seemed to catch her eye was when I told her about the time I went to a swingers sex club here in town. I told her what went on and about how wild it was and I could tell by her questions that she really wanted to go. I took the initiative and ASKED her if she wanted to go to which she said yes. Now this started a whole new slew of questions from her about the place and what goes on there. I told her everything I saw and did and even made up some shit because it looked to me like she was getting turned on!
So things are going good and I ask her if she wants to go outside for a smoke, (ganja). She goes gaga over this because she never figured me for smoking weed and we go outside to partake. I didn't have a lot on me but had more at my place and asked her if she wanted to come over to smoke some more. She was interested in the weed (it was the purple) and readily agreed so we went back inside, paid the tab, and took off for the short walk to my pad.

During the walk the buzz kicks in and she breaks out her ipod, puts her arm in mine, and sticks one earphone in my ear while putting the other in hers so we can both listen to the music on the way home. We get to my pad and I pack a bowl and we talk some more..........about frikk'n music! That's ALL she keeps talking about until she sees my video camera. She asks about the kind of stuff I like to film and if there is anything dirty on there?

AWRIGHT! HOT DAMN! NOW WE TALKIN'!

ME: "like what and that depends on what you consider dirty"
HER: "what, are you on here with girls? Is there a pic of your thing?"
ME (laughing off her question about my "thing"): "naahhh, I take boring pics, mostly of the city. Why?"
HER: "Just didn't want to see anything I wasn't supposed to is all"

Now I could have said something clever like "who says you ain't supposed to?" or something like that but we were both drunk/high and all I could do at the time was just laugh.

She THEN says;

"Huh, I've never seen a black one before, except in the movies"

Me (being black, (yeh thass right, surprised?) I'm thinking I'm on to something here): "Well then you've probably seen some of my work!"

(I have NO idea what I'm talking about)

ME/HER: nervous laughter

Just then her cell rings and the conversation indicates that she will be leaving soon; whoever she's talking too is trying to get her to come join them so I'm thinkin that I have a once in a lifetime chance here and rack my brain to figure out a way to interest her in staying; at this point the weed, the wine, and the nature of the conversation has made me fucking HORNY as hell, especially her last comment about "not seeing a black one before".

So sure enough she gets off the phone and says that she is going to have to go soon and thanks for a great evening. I'm like, whoaa, I was just about to pack another bowl!
Howzabout it?

SHe's like ok and we sit on the couch and talk some more, this time i gear the conversation back to more of a sexual nature, mainly about pornos cuz I know she likes them and I have a few........hundred (nahhh, just kidding). She tells me that her and her (ex) boyfriend made a couple and that they liked to enjoy watching them together so I lie and tell her that I had made a few myself and that's what I really meant by my earlier remark. She's like, wow, cool but still mentions she is getting ready to leave soon.
Ok fellas, moment of truth here, I DO NOT RECOMMEND THE FOLLOWING COURSE OF
ACTION WITH ANY WOMEN YOU WORK WITH OR ANY GIRL FOR THAT MATTER!

SO She's about to leave and I'm horny as hell, we finish the bowl and I ask her when she wants to go to the sex club, she says this friday, (it was wednesday). I agree and we proceed to make arrangements to put our names on the guest list via internet. I was too stoned and kept fucking it up so she said to let her do it. I was sitting in the computer chair and had to stand up to let her use the keyboard, thing was, I had a full on boner, rock hard and pup tenting my pants! Now this was in plain view and she couldn't have missed it. She got on the keyboard and put us on the guest list then what happened next is sort of a blur but I DO remember her looking at me and saying that she should probably go.
I ask her if she is sure and then, for whatever reasons;

I PROCEED TO UNZIP MY PANTS........ AND WHIP OUT MY JOHNSON!

I remember her saying "don't!" and backing away while making a motion to cover her eyes but it was too late; Mr. Happy McHardon was out there for her viewing pleasure....or displeasure.

Oh god.

So there we are, me sitting there with my huge member pointing to the ceiling, well actually it kinda tilted to the side in her direction. I was terrified at the realization of what I had just done. I figured, "Oh shit, at the best she'll just talk about this at work, at the worst she'll leave and come back with the cops to which, honestly, I would just tell them the honest truth;I was raised on pornos and that's how I learned sex was initiated.

She just kind of stared at it in shock for a few seconds....... then to MY amazement slowly approached me for a closer look! She examined it for a few more seconds then said that she would probably climb on top of that at the club.......but NOT here in my pad.

Chastened, embarrassed, and still somewhat turned on by her casual interest, I hastily mutter out an apology while putting him back in and explain to her that it must have been the weed, booze, etc, and that hanging out with orgy people has distorted my sense of propriety when it comes to sex. I also tell her that it turned me on incredibly that she would want to come to the club with me and that I couldn't help myself. She just laughed and, here is what really fucks me up, somewhere along the line, for whatever reason, she tongue kissed me and then said it was cool and to then walk her out.

So I walked her out to the train and she left to go meet her friends. I went back and laid awake all nite wondering who at work she would tell about what I did. I was even more worried when she emailed me the next day cancelling our trip to the club. I emailed her back apologizing again to which she said to not even worry about it, here is a paste of the e-conversation;
-- "C"wrote:

> hey d. i think i'd rather experience my first time at a party where i can have a drink and smoke a little...just to loosen me up...maybe the next party? i'll be back in the bay next saturday(**** for training all week). is that cool?

-C

note- (At the bar, I had mentioned that the people that I went to the sex club with like to have orgy/parties at their house and that since there was no alcohol nor smoking at the club,those house parties were more fun than the club)

On 3/23/06, "D" wrote:
> Yeh, no worries. I definetely wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable, ESPECIALLY in this type of situation and the house parties are probably the best thing for your first time since they're pretty mellow and relaxed.

>Just let me know when you are ready and I'll plan accordingly. Hey, I had a great time last nite hangin with you and hope I didn't go over the line, I'm just crazy like that and I guess tht's why I roll with the types of crowds that I do.

>Anyway, I'll be back in the office tommorrow but if I don't see you before then, have a nice trip and let me know what you want to do when you get back!

> Peace,
>
> D

"C" wrote:

i had a lot of fun too...and i wasn't worried about it.WOW you have a huge purple penis!!!

but the next house party...i'm so down...and up...and any other way i would be.

see ya tomorrow...i'm sneaking out early to enjoy some friday though...shhhh!

She then followed this up with the following;
On 3/23/06, "C" wrote:

> and don't ever tell.
(attached were two very clear pics of her sucking her bf' off!)
>
followed by:
> On 3/23/06, "C" wrote:
> > ps.
> > because you showed me yours...
(attached being a pic of her bare spread ass, anus and all, and another, a pov shot of her bf eating her out)"

Now I love and appreciate these pics and on one hand it relaxes my fear that she would tell anyone what I did for what I suppose would be her fear of me letting these pics out, and trust me; there is NO mistaking that this is her!

BUT!!!

on the other I'm afraid that she might not just give a shit either way; she knows that some people at work already think she is a freak and she's cool but not all "there" and .. Like I've said, I've left her alone since she returned from vacation and she hasn't emailed or called me either since. I really don't know what to say, and the night in question happened almost two months ago now. We had a brief run-in in a hallway once last week but I didn't say anything about that nite and neither did she. She is away on another business trip but when she gets back I'm thinking of giving her a call just for closure.

So there you have it dear readers; an exploit that I'm not too proud of but it happened and I learned from it. I'm just glad that she was cool because I lie awake thinking of how else it could have turned out.

talktaya again soon,

Dirtybadman in California

Oral sex in the church basement

When I was 15, my 14 year old girlfriend and I would go to church together on undays. Most of the time we would just tell our parents that we were going to church and then we would hang out outside the church and smoke cigarettes instead. One Sunday we snuck into the cafeteria of the catholic school that was attached to the church. It was in the basement and very dark. We started fooling around and she went down on me. As she was giving me a blowjob a priest walks in and sees us.


I shoved her away with my legs and almost kicked her in the face I was so startled. The priest gave us a good talking to, and make matters worse I lied to him and said I had attended mass earlier. He knew both of our parents and told her parents all about what happened but never mentioned it to mine. I was not allowed to see her anymore, but I did anyway. We would sneak out at night when our parents were sleeping, and that worked out well until she got picked up by the cops one night because she was drunk.


Name kept secret
NJ

That guy from the movie "Office Space" has nothing on me!

This is something that has been bothering me for awhile; after years of working customer service jobs where I had to take shit from just about everyone I finally have a job I don't mind going to. The downside; it's a boring cubicle job and I don't actually have enough work that takes up a whole 8 hour day. So I sit and surf the internet all day, make phone calls to friends, balance my checkbook and listen to music. Oh sure, I LOOK busy with my desk full of paperwork and me always typing but if anyone bothered to look they would see that the reports on my desk are actually old completed ones and if they could see my monitor they would see me typing this very sentence and not anything to do with the monthly finance report.
I'm starting to worry and actually feel guilty; worried because I don't know how long I can keep doing this before someone gets wise and puts the spotlight on me, guilty because everytime I feel I should leave for something more challenging; they either give me a raise or send me somewhere nice for training, I just got back from a week long training course in San Diego. They put me up in a nice hotel and when I got back, had a fat paycheck waiting on me because they reimburse me for all meals paid for while training. I don't really necessarily even NEED the training, they just have to send people for whatever training is out there to justify the quarterly

budget. the employees who smoke are allowed to take smoke breaks, I don't smoke so I take "air" breaks.

If I'm not at my desk, I'm usually walking around the office or outside getting some air; the employees who smoke are allowed to take smoke breaks, I don't smoke so I take "air" breaks. One time during the holiday season, I happen to be one of the only people in my office at "work". Everyone else had left on vacation. Around lunch time I left and in addition to having lunch, also took in a movie. I forwarded my office phone to my cell in case anyone called....no one did. I got back to the office within half an hour of quitting time.

Another time, I almost got caught when around lunchtime I went to a massage parlor and got a rubdown complete with "happy ending". I was gone for a good two hours and nobody even noticed, in fact, I remember being worried when I came back to find an email from the boss saying that there would be a staff meeting after lunch, which
I missed. I was trying to think up a lie about where I was when a coworker asked me where the meeting was going to be held?

Me: "What do you mean? Didn't we already have it?"
Him: "What? No. Didnt you get the email? It was cancelled because someone already booked the conference room."

Whew! I checked my email again and sure enough, since I had mine set to seperate the emails with attachments from the ones without, I didn't read the latest one that stated the meeting was cancelled (it had an attachment)

There were some days where I would just come in, hang a jacket up and cut the computer on to make it look like I stepped out for a minute and
just go home and back to sleep.

The worse I ever did though was when I first learned how to do the phone forwarding trick I mentioned earlier. I don't live that far from where I work and when the boss was away for trips or whatever,I would just go home. I REALLY got bad when I learned I could also forward my work email to my regular email accounts! There were some
days where I would just come in, hang a jacket up and cut the computer on to make it look like I stepped out for a minute and just go home and back to sleep.
I quit doing that because I was just as bored at home as I was at the office. I guess it's more fun to me to do nothing at work.

It's really gonna be bad now, my boss feels that in our line of work that we should have access to broadcast news so he had the techies install winnTV on some of our computers; if you don't know, winnTV allows your computer monitor to function as a TV. Great.
Just what I need, even MORE of a reason to dick around.

This can't go on. On one hand; I have a great well paying job that I get to pretty much anything I want at, on the other, I am in a job that allows me to indulge my slackerdom which may come back to bite me in the future; ie, I'm not learning anything here that I could take with me. I already know how to sleep and watch tv.

Oh well, gotta go, Maury's on and this window is blocking the screen.

Dirtybadman in Cali

Clothes shopping in the laundry room

I had just been kicked out of my girlfriends house wearing only the clothes on my back and a carrying a few personal things. I found an apartment pretty fast but was left broke and without clothes, furniture, food, etc.

So I went down in to the buildings laundry room and took some clothes out of the dryers and then went back up to my place. AsI was trying on my new clothes I had a revelation. I could take a bunch of clothes and then sell them to a second-hand clothing store that I knew about downtown.
So I did. I went back down to the laundry room along with four garbage bags. I filled them all up and brought them back to my apartment. After sorting through the things that would fit me, I put the rest in the bags and had a friend drive me to the store where I ended up selling them for enough that I could buy myself a bunch more clothes there.

It was a terrible thing to do but I was desparate.


Name kept secret
Location kept secret

I had nasty dirty sex with a hooker in my bosses' office after hours

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Coulda been the whiskey, might have been the gin

Or it could have been the e that I took and maybe even the Red Bull/Vodka/GHB that I consumed. Not really sure what caused me to do this but I did. I came back to my dormroom after being out the whole night before. I hate my roommate. I turned on my computer and found my favorite porn site. Minutes later after feeling myself cumming I went and shot all over my roommates pillow. Not on the pillow case but I actually peeled back the case and shot on the pillow itself.

That night when he snuggled himself to sleep I laughed out loud. He looked confused and asked. I told him that I had seen something funny earlier that day. What I didn't say was the funny thing I saw was a premonition of him getting cozy on his cummy pillow.

Sleep well asswipe. I hope you finally decide to leave college instead of bitching and moaning all the time.

Best of luck to ya

Signed

That guy that hates your guts and shares a room with you.



Tags: college roommate masterbate funny humor

I think it is disgusting and he'll probably divorce me because of it

Before we got married everything was fine sex-wise. We made good love with no complaints. Then my husband hurt his penis in an accident at work. It still functions but because of the scarring it is oddly shaped and strange looking now. As a result I can't seem to bring myself to make love as much as we used to. I do love him but the sight of his deformed penis turns me off so bad that I don't even want it near me. Oral sex? forget it.

He used to sleep nude but because of my complaining he now sleeps with briefs on. I don't want to end our marriage but he is getting increasingly frustrated with me. What on earth do I do? Close my eyes and pretend? I tried that and I am a bad actress!

Name kept secret
Location kept secret


Tags: penis

Free gas

With fuel prices the way they have been lately and with me about to quit my job at Citgo, I've decided to help out my pals. In the last two weeks I must have filled up all my friends cars. Some of them more than once. I am leaving this shit job and have 0 guilt for giving away all this gas. Fuck Citgo for paying me like I am from a third world country.

Name kept secret
Somewhere in NY


Tags: theft crime 

I want you so bad and you don't even know it.

I go to class early just so that I can watch you from the moment you enter the room. I try and walk past you often so I can try to inhale your scent. I hang on every word you speak. You are speaking in English but it might as well be Japanese. Sometimes I can't even hear you. The rush of my passion is so intense in my ears it drowns out everything. That's when I watch your lips. I watch how they part as you speak and I imagine my tongue darting inside quickly. I see you lick your lips and I imagine you licking mine. After each class I go directly to the bathroom to compose myself.

You are one of my prof's and you are married and straight. Instead of telling you how I feel about you I am sitting here anonymously telling everyone else but you how I feel.

Mark. If you read this. I am falling in love with you and you don't even know it. If you even have one single bi bone in your body, please reach out to me.

I'll be sitting at the back of the class, the handsome guy near the emergency exit.


Name kept secret
Somewhere near NC


Tags:  love teacher gay

Trying to get her fired

This stupid bitch at work. Everyone knows one of them. Always has her face in your business and always the first to bitch and moan and cause drama and gossip.

I've got one of them in my office. She's only been there a few weeks and already she is getting on my nerves. So I have begun Operation Bitch-Go-Home. I've made her life miserable around the office. After she makes coffee, I go and put extra grounds in the filter so the coffee is so thick like motor oil. The boss HATES strong coffee and keep giving her shit and showing her how to make it right. I canbarely control my laughter as I see her trying to tell him that she has been making it like he showed her.

I keep accidently on purpose forget to tell her about important meetings and clients to when she gets a last-minute notice she has no time to prepare. She is in charge of filing and I keep taking files out of the storage downstairs, just to put them right on her desk to put back. Problem is because she's new it takes her a long time to figure out where they blong in our massive file storage area.

I want her to leave. her voice annoys me, her style annoys me and the fact that she breathes the same air as me, bothers me. If she doesn't leave soon, I will be forced to escalate my efforts. Not sure what yet but after reading some of the stories here I have a few ideas.

Any of you have some for me? I want her GONE!

Thanks.

Frustrated and fed-up
Location kept secret


Tags: employee business revenge

I boned my lawyers secretary

I boned my lawyer's secretary and I can't tell anyone because I was engaged at the time.

I was locked up for a few months for some bullshit. My moms gave me the number for a first-class lawyer. I would make calls to my lawyers at least once a week and every time I'd call I'd flirt with the female that answered the phone. I was in jail so the fact that I was hearing a woman's voice cancelled out all thoughts that she might be bone-deep ugly.

She started flirting back. We started having long conversations on the phone to the point where I'd be getting in fights cause other cons wanted to use the phone. Eventually we started writing letters and she sent me some pictures. She was fucking hot!

I got out and went to see her the first day. I walked into my lawyers office for the first time and saw the secretary. My jaw hit the floor. I introduced myself and she smiled. Thankfully she thought I was cute, she had never even seen a photo of me.

I told her to come by my place after she got off work and she did. She laughed because I had no lights, the power was cut when I was locked down. We started boning and because I was so excited I came fast. It made me so angry that I punched a hole in the wall above the bed.

We dated for a few months. It was fucking awesome but I couldn't tell my lawyer or my girl obviously. After my lawyer turned into a complete waste of time and money, I wanted to tell her that I was fucking her secrtary.


Name kept secret
Location kept secret

Tags: lawyer secretary sex jail 

I want to fuck my girlfriends mother

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