He's got me in his hold

So, I had a crush on this guy all throughout high school. I was in love with him, but I didn't finally get my chance to screw him until we made it to college. That's when I realized he wasn't the great guy I thought he was.

While we were sleeping together, I thought we were exclusive. BUt I found out through my sister that he was also seeing some other high school girl, one of her good friends, at the same time. She would send him love emails nearly every other day. He told me that she was just some infatuated girl, and didn't mean anything to him. I knew something was fucked up, but ignored it because I was soo into him.

...he's had several bouts with addictions to all kinds of pills and drugs, including Xanax, Cocaine and Hydrocodone...


When I finally asked for a real commitment after we'd been seeing each other for a little over 3 months, he backed out and stuff ended. Since then he's had several bouts with addictions to all kinds of pills and drugs, including Xanax, Cocaine and Hydrocodone.

Fast forward three years. I'm dating a good man. He's graduating this year with an engineering degree, has a good job, loves me to death, and treats me right. He's never cheated on me, never yelled at me, and even helped me get off pain killers and anti depressants. He showed me that I don't need drugs.

But my great guy went out of town, and on day three of his abscence, I hung out with this seedy ex-fuck buddy of mine and some other friends. It came up somehow that I knew where he could get some good shit. He asked me where, and before I knew it, we were driving to this dealers house at 3 in the morning. I thought he wanted pain killers, but he bought crystal meth.

I've seen too many friends get hooked on too many different types of drugs and I don't want to see it happen to this guy again, even though he treated me like shit, and admits it, I still care about him. But I took him to the drug house anyway and facilitated the deal. Getting him back on meth. I'm a fucked up friend. Almost has fucked up as he is. But he manipulated me into taking him there, and i let him. I could have said no, but I didn't. Now he's going to get hooked again and I have to l

...I took him to the drug house anyway and facilitated the deal. Getting him back on meth. I'm a fucked up friend...

ive with the guilt of knowing I facilitated it.

After we left, he tried to apologize to me for our failed "relationship." But when I asked him what he would do differently if he could do it all over again,he couldn't tell me. He doesn't really think he did anything wrong. He just said what he thought I wanted to hear, because he wanted to get back in my pants. He's tried this before a dozen times, but I'm haven't fallen for it. that asshole. I love and respect my current boyfriend too much. I could never cheat on him, no matter how attracted I am to the ex. Taking him to buy drugs is one thing, but kissing or sleeping with him is another.

I dropped the ex off at a mutual friends house afterwards. She was drunk and I know he probably slept with her. She'll think he reallly cares about her, but the next day he'll act like nothing happened. And she'll get hurt just like I did. Asshole.

I know this guy is bad news. But something keeps drawing me back to him. I keep forgiving him, and I probably shouldn't. I'm very attacted to him, so I keep coming back for more shit and trying to reconcile. He knows how to manipulate me. I shouldn't have called him. But I did anyway. I know I should cut off contact with him, but I won't.

He's got me in his hold, but I am wise to his game.

Name kept secret
Location kept secret



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