I can't pull the trigger yet. Soon

On three different occasions this week I have almost taken my life. I've sat on the edge of my couch, gun in hand with the safety off. I put the barrel in my mouth but I can't finish. I put it up to mky temple and I can't pull the trigger. I know things would be better off for my family with out me. I'm not sure if my insurance policy would cover them if I kill myself and I can't really ask the wife. We have money in savings so I'm sure they'd be just fine.

I'm angry, sad, lonely, bitter, depressed and of course I'm suicidal now. The deeper I sink the closer I come to pulling that trigger. I can't tell the story of what happened when I did get the courage to take my life so I'll send you this story that I can't tell anyone else. Watch the news and if you see the newsclip then you'll know who I am. I'm in the public eye so hopefully they'd report it. If not this will become one of those stories people read on this blog and wonder who wrote it. Wish me luck.

Name kept secret
Location kept secret


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