My Addictions

I have addiction problems that I can't seem to get over.

I am addicted to porn. I can't stop searching and downloading internet porn. Its gotten to a point where the professional or even amateur porn becomes boring so I only seek out real homemade or voyeur videos of couples having sex. I wish I can watch porn with my gf, but she's offended when I do watch porn or when she thinks I'm watching porn. She has suggested on a few occasions of watching it together, but how can I show her the kind of homemade and voyeur videos that I've been searching and watching?

I am also addicted to weed. It started in college.. and I've always kept it under control. I started because of a breakup... but after graduating and starting work full time, I started to smoke just about every day. For the past few years, I would wake up each morning before work, look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I need to stop this shit... but I can't.. when the evening comes around... I can't help but light up another bowl.

I am addicted to relationships/having a gf. I have gone from relationship to relationship and I've never really "dated". The girls I've dated all became a long term relationship. I think I'm in love... but as time passes, I find myself to be miserable in the relationship but I can't bring myself to end things. I still tell them I love them... I do nice things for them... but I feel like I'm dying inside and cheating them out of what they really deserve. I always find myself fighting to save a relationship. But after I do, I find myself feeling miserable again and hating my gf. My gf now is wonderful... but i find her to be annoying very often. I detest the cuddling, the constant kissing, the constant need for attention, the way she let herself get fat, the way shes been on a "diet" or trying to lose weight ever since I knew her... I hate it all. But she doesnt mind me smoking every day... she doesnt judge me. I love her for that. But I dont know if I'm really in love with her.


Name kept secret
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