My secret child

I have an 8 year old son that only a few friends and
my brother know about. I cannot bring myself to inform
my mother that she has a grandchild she will never get
to see.
And to her mother...I'm sorry. I'm not sorry for
meeeting you, hanging out with you, living with you.
It was the definition of a whirlwind romance. I'm
sorry I almost ruined your life. But you didn't let
it. You went on, made yourself better than me.

I am too selfish to have children.
I am too childish to bring my spawn into this world,
on purpose.
I have mortality issues that I am trying to deal with.

The thought of going on day after day does not thrill
me in the least.
Growing old scares the shit out of me.
I don't want to grow old, nor am I ready to die.

I am sorry if I passed these on to our son. I know you
will do right by him. I couldn't ask for a better
person to raise a child of mine.

I will never forget you two.

Name withheld upon request
Location withheld upon request


1 comment:

The Stories You Cannot Tell said...

This saddened my when I first read this. I was going to comment before, but just didn't know what to say.

Even though you might think you've done the right thing, I encourage you to seek out your son and get to know him.

He is a part of you and is growing up right now, missing a valuable resource in his life. You.